There and BACK again. (Back Problems Part 4)

If you missed Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3, I’ve been battling the shards of an exploding disc in my spine.  When we left off, I was awaiting surgery and trying to survive a “no ibuprofen” mandate from my surgeon.

If you can’t sleep, just re-define “sleep.”

After two days of raging, spastic agony, I was too afraid to go to bed.  This turned out to be fortunate, though.  I resumed sleeping* against my pillow stack on my couch, which, combined with a steroid that was riding the needle the doctors had plunged into my spine a few days prior, got me back into a quasi-mobile state!

I sit, I lean, I sit, I sleep*, I sit, I sleep*, I wake.

* “Sleeping” in this context means “sitting still for a long enough time that it’s safe to assume that I was unconscious for some period of time.”

If ignorance is bliss, distraction is at least peaceful.

Fortunately, I had plenty of friends and family visiting me over the week before surgery and, among other things, I was able to construct my chocolate piano!

Okay, so you haven't seen this picture, but you HAVE seen the rest of them (if you haven't, just click on the picture).

Seriously, if you’ve found a way to this article but haven’t seen my chocolate piano, then you’re missing the good stuff!  For your sake, please go to facebook.com/graceatarmsbastion and become a fan.

Hack!  Hack that back!

Friday, February 24 finally rolled around and the story gets short from there:
1.  Dr. Jean-Pierre Mobasser, MD has Jesus-hands.
2.  He removed some scar tissue, disc fragments, and other junk and patched me up in under an hour.

Me, still drugged, making myself comfortable post-surgery.

An hour and a half later, I was sitting in my mom’s car eating a Qdoba burrito and sending doped up texts to the handful of people whose names I could remember despite the anesthetics.

…and now… and more now… and more now…

So now, I’m healing.  Not only am I healing, but with a Tylenol and two ibuprofen, I feel closer to “painless” than I have in years.  The only battle I have left ahead of me (barring the unexpected) is patience.  I have to wait until I have healed completely before I go off and do anything stupid, no matter how stir crazy I get.

This seemed like an appropriate time to bust out the image of my mind ablaze again.

Fortunately, madness is a good substitute for creativity!  Maybe Grace@Arms will see some new material as a result of this!  Thanks for the hopes and the prayers!  Hopefully, there will only be one more chapter in this story: my return to life as I knew it.

T-shirt update:

One benefit of the boredom and unusual schedule just manifested itself in that I woke after only a few hours of sleep, grabbed up an old photo of me, and fixed it so you can see what the new shirts will look like (note: this shirt doesn’t exist yet–I’m kind of proud of those Photoshop skills)! The pre-order ends on Sunday, so if you want this shirt, click the picture or just go to graceatarms.com/alive2012 and order it now!

The back says, "I CAME HERE TO ROCK"

Bastion’s Chocolate (Piano) Factory

A recent back injury has stuck me at home long enough that “stir crazy” has become “stir creative.”  The first manifestation of this came when I noticed that Reese’s Cups were now available in both white and dark chocolate.  I’m a contrast fan (add that to your Facebook profile–“Interests: music, skateboarding, contrast, hanging out with friends…”) so I decided to pick some up and photograph them.

"Am I the only one blown away by the juxtaposition of white chocolate Reese's Cups sitting next to dark chocolate ones?" - @BastionAtArms

Enough people seemed to enjoy the image that I felt a little more confident when I revealed that I had also purchased some white and dark chocolate KitKat bars!

"And this time, we have a white chocolate KitKat next to a dark chocolate KitKat! I am, yet again, awe-struck." - Sebastion (Bastion) Crider

This time the response was huge.  I don’t know how or why photographing white and dark chocolate versions of the same candy bar isn’t already a nationwide fetish, but this seemed to kick off a LOT of excitement and suggestions.  One that came up a few times was “build a keyboard.”  Since I’d been kicking around a similar idea during the week, I decided it was time to build the KitKat Keyboard.

Of course, I’ve never looked at something awesome and thought, “well, that’s enough of that.”  I kept thinking about the keyboard and how plain it felt.  I ran to the store.  A few dozen Hershey’s candy bars later, I had finished an electric piano which I styled after old Wurlitzer Electronic Pianos.

There you have it!  If you’ve enjoyed yourself, then be sure to subscribe to my blog (either here on WordPress or at my original blog at graceatarms.com/bastion), become a fan of my Facebook page, or Follow me on Twitter.  If you are interested in hearing me play actual music, be sure to check out my band, Grace at Arms (GRACE@ARMS) on iTunes and Facebook.  If you’re looking for both music and my silliness, hit our YouTube page here!  Thanks for reading and have a great day!

If you’re a representative of Hershey’s, Reese’s, or Kit Kat, and would like to contact me regarding the use of my piano, please email me at bastion@graceatarms.com .

BACK with an update! (Back Problems Part 3)

If you missed Part 1 and Part 2, I’ve got an exploding disc in my spine that’s causing me all sorts of trouble.  When we left off, I had just received a “selective nerve root block” shot in my spine, which revealed that the source of my pain was, as we suspected, my S-1 nerve root (or as Dennis Green would say, “they are who we thought they were”).

Surgery Scheduling

After I reported the results of my procedure to my surgeon, Dr. Jean-Pierre Mobasser, we scheduled surgery for Friday, February 24 (this was about two weeks out at the time).  My back was in some serious pain, but I’ll take what I can get–that, and the combination or prescription drugs and about 3,000 mg of ibuprofen I was consuming each day was keeping the pain between a 1 and 3 (which was low enough to function and even occasionally go to work.

Random, but cool:

I got to view the images of my spine that were taken in the MRI!  I have no idea what these things show (I’m just praying this is actually my spine and not something inappropriate), but if you know how to read them, then this is what’s wrong:

The End of Ibuprofen

Days have been passing and, while the majority of my time is spent in a leaning-to-the-side seated position, I’ve managed at least to post the V-Week videos I had filmed and keep up with a few other things.

Aaaaaaaaand then Thursday rolled around.  In order to make sure surgery goes smoothly, I’ve been instructed not to take any blood thinners (including ibuprofen) starting on Thursday.  As I said, 3,000+ mg of ibuprofen (along with other meds) had been keeping my pain between a 1 and a 3.  Needless to say, Thursday wasn’t fun and, by the time I limped to bed in a narcotic stupor, the lower left quarter of my body was throbbing and twitching in spastic pain.

6:15 am:

I woke this morning to agony that I would rate between an 8 and 9.  It hurt so bad that I couldn’t form coherent thoughts and found myself repeating the same clip of a memory from the night before over and over and over in my head as I stumbled and staggered to the medicine drawer.

I took my prescriptions (but no ibuprofen) and proceeded to writhe in bed and on the floor until 7:30 when my pain level decreased to the point that I could climb to my feet to check the clock, lament, and proceed to stagger (apparently standing is better for my back than sitting or lying down) about the house and let the pain level drop to about a six.

I laid down until 8:30, when I felt comfortable taking a second pain killer.  Cycling my prescriptions, I managed to keep my pain level between 2 and 5.  I’m not looking forward to going to bed tonight, but I’ll do it if it brings next Friday closer.

Thanks for reading!  I’ll be BACK with the doctor’s post-surgery predictions and then with the post-surgery rundown.  In the mean time, keep rocking (and rock extra hard for me)!

From the Band Friday/V-Week Part 5 (2/17/12)

It’s Friday again! We hope you had a great week and that the weekend matches! For those of you who missed Bastion’s cover songs in his Valentine’s Week series, here are their blog entries:

1. “Can’t Help Falling In Love” by Elvis Presley
2. “The One I Love” by David Gray
3. “Hold On” by Tom Waits
4. “Iris” by the Goo Goo Dolls
Or you can click here to go our YouTube page.

Bastion:

As promised, here’s a new (for those of you who’ve missed our last two concerts) song called “Remember to Breathe,” which I just wrote a few months ago!

“Remember to Breathe” by GRACE@ARMS

Milo:

I’ve been busy studying for my midterms because as soon as they’re out of the way… I can resume studying for my national boards!

Cooper:

Valentine’s Day was this week, and I spent it with the lovely Raeanne Schlotterbeck. We exchanged candy and gift items on Tuesday, and we will be going on a real date this weekend. Conflicting schedules dictated our plans for us. We will be be eating and then seeing The Vow this Sunday. While I’ve heard nothing but terrible things about the film, I’m sure I’ll endure it. It’s all for love, after all!

 

Remember to Breathe lyrics:

I looked up, dropped my jaw to my expectations.
I forgot I’d forgotten my limitations.
I lost footing in my shifting mentality.
“Hello, can I get an… umm… Can I get a look in your eyes?
Can you help me with this–help me, it’s the look in your eyes.
I’d never seen–you see–but I see you and me.”

’cause I’m lost. I don’t care where I am as long as I
I’ve waited for someone to break me down to who I am
And question why I’ve held on to all this pain
When I knew someday I’d find all I’ve found in you.

I sit up. Did I really spend my dreaming time living last night?
’cause I can’t believe that I’d even stumbled into your sight.
You’re like a glacier racing for my hard disbelief.
I don’t know what to do ’cause I’m not used to being here in this role.
I thought I was doomed to be the leader; doomed to endless control
But I would follow you anywhere.

’cause I’m lost I don’t care where I am as long as I
I’ve waited for someone to break me down to who I am
And question why I’ve held on to all this pain
When I knew someday I’d find all I’ve found in you.

All I’ve found in you
All I’ve found in you
All I’ve found in you
Ooh, in you…

I see you standing in your robe of self conscious need
Like a shining bright sparkling–breathe
I’ve got to breathe. I’ve got to remember to keep
Breathing when I look in your eyes.
I want to kiss your neck or touch your lips, I want to see your eyes
Or turn your back so I could nibble on your shoulders ’cause I can’t
Believe I can’t breathe, be, hear, see,
Laugh at me. Laugh at me. Laugh at me. Laugh at me.

I had so many words when you walked through the door
But they all feel so tiny when I’m holding them up to your smile
Makes me want to cry out and want to cry inside.
It hurts to see you looking so good that I can’t stop the words
’cause you deserve to hear and feel the roar here in my heart
When it’s close to yours, you’re close to me.

’cause I’m lost I don’t care where I am as long as I
I’ve waited for someone to break me down to who I am
And question why I’ve held on to all this pain
When I knew someday I’d find all I’ve found in you.

Iris (V-Week Part 4 of 5)

If you just started following my V-Week blogs, I’m posting a video of myself performing a different cover song about love each of Monday through Thursday this week before posting a new original song on Friday. If you missed them, be sure to check out the other videos I’ve already posted:

1. “Can’t Help Falling In Love” by Elvis Presley
2. “The One I Love” by David Gray
3. “Hold On” by Tom Waits
Or you can click here to go our YouTube page.

Doing things differently.

I’ve always considered similar experiences with different people to be completely different experiences. I make it a point to learn something from everyone I meet. Every time I’ve ever fallen in love has been the very first time.

This aspect of me is particularly fun when I meet new people because that new contact with an entire life’s worth of history, ideas, and attitudes provides so many opportunities to learn, to grow, and to explore.

I’ve had the good fortune of meeting a lot of new people lately, but one particularly interesting girl is an avid reader with a deep appreciation for vocabulary and its ability to not only describe but to shape our feelings. Since I feel like the pursuit of such powerful words are core to writing, I was shocked to find out that she’d never attempted to write a story or poem in her life!

The combined excitement of writing poetry and exploring her brain overwhelmed me and I declared that I would help her write her first poem. Her nervousness was dwarfed only by her certainty that she was going to make a fool of herself, but her vast experience with written language and her natural empathy and intelligence quickly silenced all doubt as she accidentally wrote her first poem–a simple, elegant, free-verse description of her appreciation for books–in a matter of minutes (she was actually just organizing her thoughts when I noticed that her notes were already poetry)!

Moved by her willingness to share such an (in my mind important) experience with me, and without a fourth song for this series, I offered to learn a song of her choice. Moved by her bravery, I decided that I was going to perform and record this song in a very different way from any I’d done before.

She chose “Iris” by the Goo Goo Dolls.

I built this:

Change of plans…

My original idea was to film myself playing several instruments and then layer the audio files in the way that I do when recording albums. I would then splice the video clips together to create a little tapestry. Here are some screen shots from the video-gathering:

Unfortunately, a headache and a soul-deep hatred for iMovie later, I realized that it would take dozens of hours to complete the project given my lack of professional video editing software and iMovie’s lack of anything you might ever want in a video editing program.

Salvage!

Fortunately, I was so proud of my lights-and-mics rig, that I left it up while I was trying to mix the videos. As soon as I realized the plans needed to change, I charged off and recorded a single-take version of Iris… with a really awesome background.

“Iris” by the Goo Goo Dolls

Be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss any of the love!  You can also find Grace at Arms on iTunes, Facebook, or graceatarms.com!  You can also find Grace at Arms’ singer, Bastion on Facebook, Twitter, and at his original blog at graceatarms.com/bastion!  Don’t forget to pick up your t-shirts and other gear at graceatarms.com/alive2012!

Hold On (V-Week Part 3 of 5)

If you just started following my V-Week blogs, I’m posting a video of myself performing a different cover song about love each of Monday through Thursday this week before posting a new original song on Friday. If you missed them, be sure to check out the other videos I’ve already posted:

1. “Can’t Help Falling In Love” by Elvis Presley
2. “The One I Love” by David Gray
Or you can click here to go our YouTube page.

And now it’s time for some Tom Waits action…

Hold on… Tom Waits?

Those of you who’ve been to our acoustic concerts know that my version of Hold On differs drastically from the original. Tom Waits’ version of the song is what I would call “texture music.” He blends instruments and vocals into a beautifully complex sound that breathes slowly from the beginning to the end of the song. My version, on the other hand, simplifies the music into a more rock feel, which in turn puts a greater focus on Tom’s absolutely incredible lyrics.

The other significant change I’ve made to the original is in the third verse. In the original version, Tom sings, “St. Louis got the best of me.” I don’t know what the line means, but I have to assume that it relates to a personal experience. I don’t think that singing a line I don’t understand in any way preserves the heart of the song, so I have changed the line to “Phoenix stole the soul from me,” which relates a personal experience of my own, thereby preserving both the cryptic nature of the line in the audience’s ears and maintaining the level of personal investment on the part of the artist.

Love: Romantic and Otherwise

The story told in “Hold On” obviously includes plenty of romance and heartbreak, but the instance of love which I find most moving is of an entirely different kind.

I recorded the vast majority of Chrysalis myself, did all of the editing and mixing myself, and put more than one hundred hours into the album art. I spent my entire life savings (and then some) publishing Chrysalis and am solely responsible for marketing it. I wrote every note of every instrument on that CD. I wrote both Believe and No Way Home as alternatives to suicide. I literally have more hours in Chrysalis than in college and law school combined.

The end result of all of this work, however, is little more than a prayer. Chrysalis is my outstretched palm. Its value comes from the connection that it makes with listeners–when people play my songs and for a moment, their hearts connect with mine.

Today, people tell me about them and it moves me to no end. Now, when I take the stage and feel the hearts of the audience. When I was putting in the vast majority of those long, painful hours, though, there was nobody listening. There was no connection, no validation, and no music. All I had was hope and the song inside my head.

The second half of the fourth verse of “Hold On” sings the story of that experience in a way so moving that I’ve never been able to sing it without throwing my entire heart into it. There’s certainly a story of romance in this song, but what I find most moving is this short story about my heart:

But it’s so hard to dance that way; when it’s cold and there’s no music. Your old hometown’s so far away, but inside your head, there’s a record playing a song called ‘Hold On.’

Hold On, by Tom Waits

 

Be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss any of the love!  You can also find Grace at Arms on iTunes, Facebook, or graceatarms.com!  You can also find Grace at Arms’ singer, Bastion on Facebook, Twitter, and at his original blog at graceatarms.com/bastion!  Don’t forget to pick up your t-shirts and other gear at graceatarms.com/alive2012!

The One I Love (V-Week 2 of 5)

Happy Valentine’s Day!

If you just started following my V-Week blogs, I’m posting a video of myself performing a different cover song about love each of Monday through Thursday this week before posting a new original song on Friday. If you missed it, be sure to watch the first video of the series, my cover of “Can’t Help Falling In Love” by Elvis Presley!

David Gray Today:

I chose the song, “The One I Love,” by David Gray, to be today’s post because the song has held great significance in my life, but because I feel it to be a particularly meaningful and undistracted statement of love.

While it’s not clear what exactly has happened to the singer, the song seems to take place in his dying moments. He stops and begins to fade as the world whispers on by him and he watches his love dance away from him forever. The concept is obviously moving, but what makes this stand out in my mind is that the singer doesn’t have to be singing a love song.

I LOVE. Oh, would you like me to add your name to the end of that sentence?

It’s so easy to mimic love that we frequently accept excuses and emotional rushes in lieu of the real thing. Heartbreak songs are a good example. It hurts to get dumped. You don’t have to love the person dumping you. You don’t even have to like them, but you’re going to experience at least some feelings of loneliness, abandonment, and rejection.

Similarly, it’s easy to talk about love when you’re particularly happy. You love feeling great so if someone is making you feel great, it’s easy to reassign the feelings.

This moment is mine alone, but I’m going to live it for you.

What I find so different about this song is that the singer is exploring a moment that is entirely his. He’s not trying to find a way to fill a void or assign a cause to his current happiness.

He has his entire life present in his mind for a few final seconds. He could look back over his achievements, mourn his failures, confess his secrets, or ask forgiveness for his sins. He is entirely free to roam his life without consequence or direction.

Instead of all these things, though, he chooses to spend his final seconds loving her.

The One I Love

Be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss any of the love!  You can also find Grace at Arms on iTunes, Facebook, or graceatarms.com!  You can also find Grace at Arms’ singer, Bastion on Facebook, Twitter, and at his original blog at graceatarms.com/bastion!  Don’t forget to pick up your t-shirts and other gear at graceatarms.com/alive2012!